Hi friends - update #1! š
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Mind Gunk To Clear Out
Iāve realized Iāve become scared of being bad at stuff, especially stuff I believe myself to have once been better at! Specifically, Iām getting back to writing regularly, am about to return to Brazilian jiu-jitsu after a few months off, and am feeling apprehensive and rusty about both.
I wouldnāt have any such fear if I were to go learn something for the first time (eg painting, dance) or something I havenāt invested identity into (eg ping pong). But I know that at least at first, Iām probably going to be worse at BJJ and writing than I once was, and Iād like to be good at both! I know this is a) likely temporary, b) shouldnāt stop me even if it were permanent, as both pursuits have inherent worth outside of peak achievement and c) that this will happen with increasing frequency as time goes on and as I have more achievement in my past and more time on my hands. Iām gonna do the things! But when I imagine feeling inarticulate, or unable to perform movements I at some point could and getting choked out as a result, a substantial part of me definitely wants to run and hide.
Not comparing myself to others has been a hard enough lesson to learn - not comparing my current self to my past self is a new one! Iām hoping that on the other side of this particular overcoming is a relationship with these pursuits I adore that has less to do with achievement, identity, and self-worth, and more to do with process, curiosity, and experience.
Thing Iāve Been Excited About
Thereās this awesome group of people called Civic Tech Toronto who have been meeting up to learn about and create tech for the public good, every Tuesday without a single missed week, for over 8 years! Anyone of any background can come, people are super friendly, and amazing projects such as BikeSpace and Chalmers Cards have started and are ongoing within there.
This in my mind is technology and people at their absolute best - smart, curious, friendly, humble people using their gifts to help, without any money involved.
I have been and will continue to attend their weekly Hack Nights, and am helping out with a few of their projects. Iāve got a few ideas of my own brewing that I think would fit in this space, and Iām sure Iāll write about them here soon, but for now Iām just excited to have found another facet of āmy peopleā!
New Thing In My Life
I got a second tattoo last Monday! Itās a hurricane with a peaceful home in the eye of the storm, it goes from the crook of my right elbow all the way up my shoulder, and Iām real happy with it. The basic idea is me realizing that I donāt need to calm the world down to feel calm/have peace - I just have to make a peaceful home at the center of the chaos. I also like the Wizard of Oz āweāre not in Kansas any moreā imagery, have used the idea of storms and hurricanes a lot in my mind, and also just thought itād look cool. Iāll probably write more about tattoos in general soon over at Against Apathy, but big shoutout to Mark for doing an incredible job!
Songs That Have Been Banging
Kiss From A Rose - prompted by a revisiting of this all time scene from Community, and a lock for whenever I next find myself in a karaoke room
Concentrate - off my friend Victorās (aka 3blond) recent album - amazing start to a work session or workout, also good as fuck for a dancing breakfast session
Tiny Garden - just a lovely song off a fantastic album
Getting Emotional About The UFC
On April 9 2022, Chan Sung Jung (aka The Korean Zombie) fought dominant, long-reigning champion Alexander āThe Greatā Volkanovski for the 145lb belt. He had last fought for a belt 9 years, 7 fights, and a stint in the Korean military ago. Heās a beloved fan favourite known for continuing to move forward no matter what (hence his monicker), walking out to Zombie (what a banger), and heās worked his way back up to achieving his dream of becoming UFC champion. Heās a world class fighter, heās had the best preparation camp of his career, heās feeling the best heās ever felt, and heās ready to go.
He proceeds to get taken apart for 15 minutes by Volk. Iām talking an absolutely clinical beatdown by a clearly superior fighter in every facet of mixed martial arts, ending in a technical knockout in which the ref stopped the fight to save Zombie from himself.
In his post-fight interview, Jung said heās got a lot to reflect on, because he saw that in his best case scenario, he just wasnāt on the same level as Volk. Seeing someone who did everything right, is crazy talented, worked crazy hard for a long time, and is beloved by so many have the realization that his dream will not happen - not by fluke, but because that was just never going to be his story - was heartbreaking and humbling all at once.
16 months later, the Zombie went out for what he said would be his retirement fight, win or lose, against Max Holloway - a cheerful Hawaiian legend with an unbreakable chin, infinite cardio, and some of the sharpest boxing in the UFC, who had lost to no one but Volk at 145lbs for over a decade and was at the peak of his powers. The Singaporean crowd roared as he ran out to the cage for the last time.
For the first two rounds (of a possible five), Max pieced Zombie up, putting his superior speed and technique on display. Zombie got a shot in here and there, but was clearly outmatched. If the fight were to continue like this, the last fight of his career would have been a drawn out loss by a thousands cuts. The Zombie had other plans.
Entering the third round, the Zombie had a wry smile on his face. He touched gloves, put up his hands in a wide, come-at-me stance, and then tried to take Hollowayās head off with reckless abandon.
Holloway was game, and responded in kind. Within 30 seconds, he caught Zombie with a beautifully timed counter and put him out for the count.
After he came to, the crowd gave the Zombie a standing ovation as he retired, and exited the cage. It felt like a privilege to watch a legend go out on his shield, doing what he does best and loves most. Few fighters retire on their terms - fightingās not kind to old dogs - but few fighters also have as distinct a stage persona as the Zombie. Iād like to think that Chan Sung Jung will go on to have a long and happy life, knowing that the Zombie died as he lived - moving forward. My heart fills a little every time his song comes on.
Two nights ago, 35 year old Alexander Volkanovski defended his title against undefeated 27 year old bruiser Ilia Topuria. He entered the fight as well prepared as ever, poked fun at himself by dressing up as an old man for the pre-fight press conference, and looked sharp as ever (if a tad slower than his prime) for the first 5 minutes of the fight.
Then came the second round, and Topuria turned it up. He repeatedly landed on Volkanovski, and 90 seconds into the round he got Volk backed up to the fence, unleashed a vicious 4 punch combo, and with the last strike crumpled Volk into an unconscious heap.
Just like that, a dominant champion who had never lost at 145lbs was dethroned. He made no excuses, congratulated the new champion, and asked for a rematch - a class act the whole way through. To watch Topuria beat Volk, who beat Max, who beat Zombie - all within 20 months - is to witness the end of an era, the late chapters of 2 legendās careers and the birth of a new one, and as wide a range of human experience and struggle, all admirably embodied. As much as my heart hurts for some of my favourite athletes, I feel lucky to have been there to see it all.
Weāve all got our metaphors for life, and fightingās one of my favourite. It may be the most stereotypically man man man man man shit to get emotional and invested about two people throwing down in a cage, but how could I not? If you wanna spend some time with me at the intersection of mixed martial arts and the world as we make it, and understand both better by the end of it. the video below is one of the highest quality things Iāve ever seen.
Shit Iāve Found Funny
Iād never heard of this dude, but this is one of the tightest and freshest 15 minutes of comedy Iāve seen in a WHILE.
This whole YouTube channel has wide-ranging but high quality sets! Makes me excited for the state of comedy š
Superstore (sitcom on Netflix) and Taylor Tomlinsonās most recent special - Have It All - have also been good this week
Thatās all, FOLKS! Love you lots, see you soontimes ā¤ļø
I love you